Universal
Laws For Couples
By Jeff
Herring
The Law of
Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or growing apart.
You don't get to stand still in relationships for very long. So
we need to know two things: What does it take to continue to feel
connected to my spouse? And what does it take for my spouse to continue
to feel connected to me?
The Law of Nagging:
I've rarely seen a situation where one person was being accused of
nagging where the other person was not being irresponsible in some
way. Nagging is no fun, for the nag-ee or for the nag-er. It takes
two people working together to stop the pattern, one to be responsible,
and then one to not nag. The
Law of Emotional Needs: Most, if not all, conflict in marriage can
be traced back to unmet emotional needs. So what are the emotional
needs of your spouse? If you find yourself in the middle of a conflict,
especially one that occurs over and over, what emotional needs are
not being met?
The Law of
Underwear: After you have been together for a while, it's easy to
slip into doing things you never would have done when you were dating.
So don't hang around in your underwear, unless it's sexy.
The Law of
Communication, Part 1: Human communication expert Paul Waltzslavick
said, "You cannot not communicate." If this is true, the
question then becomes "what am I communicating to my spouse
on a regular basis?" Not only by what you say, but by what
you do, as well as what you don't say and don't do.
The Law of
Communication, Part 2: True communication is a two-part endeavor.
It's the responsibility of the person talking to make sure that
the message is getting across and the responsibility of the person
listening to make sure to get what the other person is saying.
The Law of
Manners: It's all too easy to begin taking each other for granted.
It's important to continue to treat each other well. So when you
need to get by someone, saying "excuse me" is still a
whole lot better than "move."
The Law of
the Other Person's Eyes: In marriage, we don't have to always agree
with our partner, or even see things the exact same way. We do need
to be able to step into the world of the other person and be able
to see through their eyes.
The Law of
Fun: The couple that laughs and plays together has a much better
chance of staying together.
The Law of
The Anniversary: I really like this quote about celebrating anniversaries:
"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership,
tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year."
- Paul Sweeney
The Law of
3 People: When you marry someone, you don't marry one person, you
marry three. The person you think they are, the person they really
are, and the person they will become as a result of marrying you.
Copyright 2003
by Jeff Herring
Jeff Herrring,
MS, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist, relationship coach,
speaker and nationally syndicated relationship columnist, and founder
and CEO of Couples-Connection.com.
You can email Jeff at jeff@couples-connection.com and sign up for
his f'ree internet newsletter "Couples-Connection on his website
at http://www.Couples-Connection.com
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